Yes, it was generous of him to show up to my performing arts high school graduation, and to take pictures with my family without ever having read a single report card, or having attended any of my performances. It was generous of him to encourage me to attend college in Atlanta, GA, purchase a twin extra long dormitory style bed set, and feel entitled to say that he has put me through college when he has not cosigned a single student loan. It was generous of him to drive up to my college during my first semester of with my grandmother, whom I’ve never met before, and have me stand outside of her passenger side window while she says “Jay your daughter is beautiful,” without encouraging her to speak to me directly or get out of the car and at the least give me an introductory hug. It was generous of him to visit me at my dorm during that same semester with his new girlfriend, who was newly pregnant, with his child and that she so happened to be a student at my college. It was very generous for him to NOT show up to my college graduation, because he just knew that his ex wife was going to be there to support me, and he did not want to risk being arrested for an imaginary warrant that she had out for him. It was even more generous of him to tell me just last night during our last conversation that he was valid for not coming to my graduation because he had 15 other kids to worry about that day, and that it was not worth him going to jail over. My only response to him, was that I wish he had that same mentality when he was holding me in his arms for the first time as an infant. I told him, that I wish he would’ve thought of my college graduation then. I wish he would’ve considered the possibility of having 33 other children, and what he was taking away from ME, his first child, then. At that point in the conversation, he said he had another call and that he had to go.
So there I was left with my thoughts and all that I could think was, what about us? What about the children? Clearly he has not learned a thing, primarily because he does not listen. Sure, he has heard it all before. The heartbreak and anguish of his children’s mothers, the sadness and frustration of his family, and the anger and utter disdain for his existence from his children. Yet, he still does not truly listen.
Perhaps if he spent less time trying to validate his poor decision-making, and spent more time listening, he would have had the opportunity to learn about the conversation I had with my brother’s mother a little while ago. During our conversation, she told me that she brought my brother to the park to play and how he was playing with a group boys, and in that group of boys was a familiar face. Now if we look back to the second episode of your show this season you stated that his older children not wanting to have a relationship with him is the consequence of his actions. No. The result is my brother, his son, who has never met my father, playing in the park with his own brother, also his son, neither having a clue that they are siblings. So again I ask, what about the children?
This is undoubtedly a unique situation due to the amount of people involved, but the concept of ‘Deadbeat Dad’ is not something that you don’t hear about everyday. However, as “common” as it may be to hear about absentee fathers, be it to one child or 34, that does not make it any more acceptable. So who holds my Father and the men that are like him accountable? Well, for starters I’d have to say the millions of viewers. Yes, the show has brought awareness to an epidemic that is long past due to be overturned. So the word is out, and now my father and his counterparts are being forced to face the mirror that is the world starring back at them FINALLY.
