With the recent subject of domestic violence permeating the airwaves and putting football on the back burner this year when talks of the NFL comes about, Hip-Hop Enquirer sat down with writer and motivational speaker Nelli Davis about his upcoming book I Dream Awake. Davis’s story is quite compelling as he knows the traumatic effects of domestic violence all too well. He lost his mother in the 80s at the hands of his father who’s now serving a life sentence.
His story gets even deeper as he testified against his father to send him away for life and had a chance reencounter with his dad while they were both locked up in prison. His upcoming book will detail his “divine intervention” moment and his triumphant victory of overcoming tremendous hurdles and bouncing back from the depths of hell.
Hip-Hop Enquirer: Half of your book explores the depths of domestic violence, what do you want the children to learn from your experience and what’s the message you’re conveying on this horrific tragedy?
Nelli Davis: First thing I want them to do is keep the discussion alive about domestic violence because a lot of times when we see or experience something traumatic, we have a innate tendency to just hold it in, until the pain resurfaces at another time. I want adults to shut up and spend more time listening to their kids. That little boy or girl crying in corner doesn’t understand what just happened after dad hits mom. I wanted to be a voice to the kids and that’s why I wrote part of I Dream Awake from the standpoint of a child; so we can hear them and help them heal and deal with the trauma of domestic violence. This in turn becomes a form of therapy needed so they don’t repeat the same cycle of violence.
HHE: You recently penned an article for The Grio called “Son Of A Monster” where you discussed the repetitive cycle of domestic balance and how your father had a traumatic childhood growing up. What made you decide to delve deeper and explore some of the reasons behind your father’s own issues?
Nelli Davis: Immediately when you hear these headlines or see the videos, the first thing anybody thinks is how much of a monster that person must be; but in actuality that “monster” is a person just like you you and me, fighting demons from their past. I wanted to help people see the person behind the monster; in this way we learn to face and deal with the cycle before it repeats itself.
It’s the same way if people grow up in low-income neighborhoods where drugs are sold and the street life is glorified… the kids repeat what they see and know to be “life.” That same mirror of reality is reflected in the home. When dad beats mom and she forgives him; the son who witnesses this is lead to believe that’s the way relationships work and the daughter learns that and thinks she must quickly forgive her abusing mate as well; because they both think that’s how relationships work. We have to be cautious of the cycle so the abuse doesn’t repeat and continue for generations.
HHE: The NFL has also taken stick action on domestic violence and some of its new policies include lifetime bans after the first offense. Most of these cases and accusations are valid but what are your thoughts on some women who may use the domestic violence claim even if their man never hit them as a way to try to control him, especially if a baller won’t marry them or whatever?
Nelli: I feel men should be on their guard and we can’t control the negative things that people do to try to capitalize off of a situation. But the good that can come from this negative is the awareness to not allow yourself to be caught in this situation. For the athletes to make a point not to put their hands on another person and especially not a woman. You always have negative people trying to capitalize off a negative situation. But now with this awareness, it keeps men on their toes, and that’s how you turn a negative into a positive.
Nelli: Peace+Love is a community-based social cause movement committed to the positive promotion of world peace and non-violence using the fusion of F.A.M.E. (fashion, arts, music, and entertainment). Peace+Love was founded in 2005 by Rochelle and Herman Davis (my mothers youngest siblings) in her honor. My Aunt Rochelle played a huge role in delivering justice for my mother’s death, because my father didn’t go to prison until three years after he killed my mom.
That was because after they closed the case, my aunt wrote anybody in Philadelphia who could make a difference and eventually my mother’s murder case was reopened when her efforts reached the sitting mayor (W. Wilson Goode); he personally reopened the case. Her dedication and passion to not allow my mother’s murder to be in vain, and bringing awareness towards domestic violence led to her forming the organization Peace & Love.
HHE: You guys have had major support and even artists like Musiq Soulchild have participated in helping spread the message in the past, what are your direct involvements with Peace & Love?
Nelli: The organization brings awareness to domestic violence as well as Black on Black crime. For my involvement, I speak to kids during the Peace+Love school tours throughout the year. I share my story, and again, give them an opportunity to be heard. It started as a one-time event on the anniversary of my mom’s death, October 29th. But now the school tours happen throughout the year in Philly, Delaware and they even visit HBCU’s.
It’s a host of events that include spoken word, live art, music and personal testimonials. It takes kid’s minds off of the negative and violence that some see every day and it shows them a different way. It provides them a safe haven. Peace+Love is really active and every time I’m back home in Philadelphia I attend a couple of schools and speak to the kids about my story and how they should be aware of domestic violence and things of that nature.
HHE: I Dream Awake also details another part of your life which was your prison bid after you were convicted of running a marijuana ring. You leaped some tremendous hurdles and you were able to bounce back with a felony on your record and succeed in corporate America. How were you able to do that and what’s your advice for others who are also facing road blocks because of past mistakes?
Nelli:
You reality is whatever you create it to be; hence the title of my book, I Dream Awake. I learned from one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coehlo, in The Alchemist, that whatever you put out in the universe (as far as your efforts and what you desire), the universe will conspire to bring you closer to it. When I was released from prison, I was often warned, “You ain’t gone be able to get a job now because you’re a convicted felon,” but I knew I could achieve more. I knew that I was different, so those warnings never phased me. When I came out, the first job I got was an job in advertisement with Radio One, a new radio station in Philadelphia. I landed a six-figure job (including commissions) within the first year of my release from prison.
That’s another thing I want to do with this book, I want to give hopeless prisoners some hope of a new life. I want to go back inside the prisons and talk to prisoners. I want to be some type of example for them, because I was just like them. I want to somehow offer guidance and direction for them, because the “correctional system” isn’t designed to do this or any other form of correction in my opinion. I want to help create real reform in the prisons, where positive change are really happens and we’re ultimately addressing the issues that sent a lot of these young men to prison in the first place.
HHE: You previously mentioned that a few people you were locked up with helped you and that makes you want to pay it forward.
Nelli: That’s the crazy thing to be honest and to speak candidly, when I got in there, I was scared to death! I thought I was just going to meet a bunch of monsters, killers, rapists…and although I met all of those people, surprisingly I met a lot of angels in there too. I met people who touched my heart because of who they were as a person. When I first got there, I didn’t have anything because you don’t go there with money. A guy I never met before gave me four soups, two honeybuns, two bags of chips… just because he saw that I needed it.
That beauty, sincerity and human connection I felt from them is something I will never forget. Those “monsters” are actually real people inside those prison walls. Essentially a lot of the inmates are merely lost souls dealing with unaddressed issues from their childhood; things that happened to them way before they came to prison in the first place. One of my biggest dreams is to return the love many of those lost souls gave me; their love helped me survive in there.
HHE: Since you’ve returned home, you have traveled the world and have lived abroad in Amsterdam, Australia, and Istanbul. So that strike doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.
Nelli: Not at all. On the contrary, it’s the beginning of a new world, new life and new possibilities. People think that once they go to prison that that’s it and the possibilities are limited in life so they are thinking about the next scheme; or what they did wrong in the previous scheme. They think this time they’ll learn how to make better mistakes instead of completely turning their life around. I want to show them that they can travel the world and have different experiences and they can try new things and most importantly they can start over, if only they learn to Dream Awake.
HHE: That’s kind of easier said than done. What was your process and how did you answer the dreaded question about your conviction when you went on job interviews that you successfully landed with companies like The Source, Clear Channel and Radio-One?
Nelli: It is that simple bro. I ceased what I wanted. I accepted my mistakes and my own personal rehabilitation. I eliminated every excuse and I never got defensive. I didn’t go into interviews needing a job; I went in “offering” my services to the company. I went in with the confidence of knowing who I am. I showed the person interviewing me that they needed me and I was fully prepared to accept “NO” if it came my way. It’s all about owning your situation, owning your past mistakes and owning where you are now… Essentially owning and controlling the moment. That’s what I did in my interviews. I was always upfront and never hid my past from anybody. I never made my past a secret and that let the person sitting across from me know and see that I’m a different man and I grew from my mistakes. That gained me respect from my former employers and gave me confidence that anything is possible.
HHE: Let’s revisit your conviction. What are your thoughts now on marijuana starting to be legalized throughout the country after you served time for something many don’t consider a crime?
Nelli: It’s a slap and a hug at the same time. I feel slightly vindicated in a sense because during my entire prison term I knew it wasn’t that serious… As I said previously, I was in there with killers, murderers and rapists; I was in prison with the darkest and scariest people in the world and I all did was run a successful weed business between me and a few college friends. Everybody was in school, everybody was otherwise good except for the fact we like to smoke and sell weed.
It wasn’t a crime that hurt anybody, yet they sentenced me to prison for 4 years and 2 months for my first offense ever. It was a non-violent crime but I was still treated and sentenced like a dangerous man and a threat to society. I spent most of my time wondering how the system could be so unfair and cruel. So to see the legalization of it all come to fruition today, I feel a small vindication. Like wow, thank you, you guys finally see it.
HHE: Your story is so inspiring and a true testament to the fact that you can come back from anything. What made you decide to share it with the world and write your book?
Nelli: To show people that I’m no different than them. So many people were touched by my story and inspired by what I’ve done with my second chance at life and it moved them to want something different for their own lives. My friends told me that my story was worth sharing and that others could be inspired from reading about it. I really just wanted to give other people’s thoughts and dreams a voice and possibility because at the end of the day; although I experienced a tough life, it made me stronger; it made me want more and others can learn from that. The marks and scars my past left on my soul is similar to the scars and baggage most people who look like me carry everyday. We all share similar experiences in life that we can grow from. Mine made me stronger and the desire to Dream of a better day, I hope every person who reads my book finds the inspiration to do the same.
HHE: This is going to be great read come spring 2015, give the people a brief synopsis of what to expect.
Nelli: I Dream Awake is a journey through a dark and sad beginning to a promising future. It’s a story that should inspire everybody. It’s what I went through and my life between the ages of 10 -25. It’s written from two different perspectives; a child the day before his mother is murdered by his father and a man, the day before he goes into prison for the first time.
Each chapter follows the journey of the man and the boy separately and how they faced realities that they would’ve never dreamed of in their worst nightmares. And then stories overlap when the boy becomes the man at the end. I Dream Awake is a real-life blind date with destiny.
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