Let the Heavens sing and the Angels rejoice because the 2nd Coming of Beysus Christ has been graced upon the earth for us mortals to praise and worship! It was reported written on gold parchment whispered from Jesus himself that hip hop king Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter and wife Beyonce welcomed Ivy Blue Carter into the world sometime between Saturday night and Sunday morning.
Rumors have circulated that the industry power couple rented out the entire 4th floor at New York City’s Lenox Hill Hospital for a hefty $1.3 million dollars stirring up one irritated doctor to complain that he had patients he needed to see. But another source is saying that the rumor is nothing but a bunch of after-birth stating that, “We don’t have entire floors sitting empty at Lenox Hill.”
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No more Partying For the Queen for at least a year?!
The news broke on Twitter once celeb pals like Aunty Rihanna, Aunty GOOP guru Gwyneth Paltrow, and Uncle Russell Simmons tweeted their blessings.
Now depending on which gossip circles you keep your ear to, you believe that the baby-licious singer reclined on a hospital bed, crotch-thrusted and birthed out the savior of pop music herself where God was there to cut the umbilical cord. Or, that she was in a dance studio somewhere and finally unstrapped the Craftmatic Adjustable Nerf football she’s been sporting lately.
Well placed insider’s say that 30 year old Beyonce checked into the hospital Friday night under the name “Ingrid Jackson” which may or may not be the actual name of the surrogate she hired to carry the baby. And for extra security measures of privacy and protection, hospital workers were ordered to place tape over the surveillance cameras and turn in their cell phones once they begin their shifts.
While some of you may think this is extreme stunt queen behavior to the highest cunt degree, think again! I’m sure Jay Z & Beyonce have our best interest in mind. They’re well aware that our unworthy mere mortal eyes would instantly be blinded if we ever were to catch a glimpse of their Golden One.
Either way I’m excited for them! Children, whether a publicity stunt or organic are a blessing! Let’s all look forward to a watching a lifetime of tabloid covers of someone richer than we will ever be who already has their place in the 1%.
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